One Man Did Defend Us

I read a post on Instagram that “sounded” right. So vigilant, so spot on for the gaping wound that is the collective woman’s heart. Yes, we have been scarred and marred. Yes, we have been abused and raped. Yes, we have been groped, gagged and threatened into silence.

But a Martin Luther King quote won’t fix it.
It only holds up a mirror.

The #Metoo won’t fix it.
It only breaks the mirror into a million pieces.

One court nomination (or possible witch hunt) won’t fix it.

Somehow we have lost sight of facts. Are we now seeking a wholesale revenge on half of the population? Are we pushing a movement in the name of progress? Is that movement actually healing anyone?

There is this not-so-subtle narrative  that offers women (and men)  two options. Either stand with Us, the belittled, broken-hearted, raging, victimized women, or stand with Them, the hate-filled, power-hungry, horny bastards who started all this.

I need more options.

I had a conversation with a young woman who said that we need to seize this time of exposure to stand up to a long historical injustice. Read that sentence again. Please.

Here is where I get stuck. Men should respect women. Period. Women should respect men. Period.

Every ethic group should respect every ethnic group. Period.

Why? Because every single human deserves honor and dignity. Period.

Every person is accountable for his/her actions. Yet, we are using a He Said, She Said conversation, done in a public forum, and trying to lay it over the whole of creation. As if a certain outcome in this situation is somehow going to make men behave better, or women heal faster?

Gender revenge doesn’t bring healing. Talk to any woman who has been sexually wounded. Her healing didn’t come by way of her wounder.

Politics doesn’t heal hearts. It reveals hearts.
Men are not the problem. Women are not the problem.

Sin is the problem.

And One Man did take the hit for the whole of creation. I think that’s what bugs me about the Feminine voices talking about their gaping wounds.

We are ALL wounded. Or were.  And my song now is not that I was abused, or molested or groped which I was. My song now is that I know a Healer.

Not only is my Feminine heart healed through Jesus, now I have the power to pray and Speak Up for the other Feminine and Masculine hearts that need to know there actually is a better way.

Jesus really did take the fall for all of the out of whack men. And he really did open the way for women to be truly restored and elevated.

There is still a battle raging for equality and honor.

And we have the answer. The real one. Let’s use it.




photo credit Moody Media


Why Bruce and Caitlyn are Both Welcome at God’s Table

I want to begin with a couple of disclaimers. No Christians, I am not judging. Yes gays and lesbians, I have homosexual friends and love them just the same. More importantly God loves us  all the same. That’s why Bruce/Caitlyn is welcome at God’s table.


God gave us free will. Pastor Danny Silk wrote “freedom is the language of heaven.”  The Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “Everything is permitted, but everything isn’t beneficial. Everything is permitted, but everything doesn’t build others up.” (1 Cor. 10:23) This is a scandalous statement. It gives us all the sobering responsibility of choosing our lives and living with our choices. Free to choose, and free to produce results that have implications, good or bad.

And.  If Bruce/Caitlyn calls on the name of the Lord, he/she will be saved. End of story. That is the beauty of grace. Was he/she a Christian already? Still saved and fully loved. That is the beauty of grace.

There is a charge to all of us.  Either the blood of Jesus frees us from all sin, or it doesn’t. God does not part and parcel forgiveness. There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain.



There is a confusion about the person and the action. Every person deserves dignity. Every action has a reaction. I can love the person and disagree with the choice or action.  In fact. I must be able to do both, or I have no freedom to love at all.

Let me bring this home.  One of the most damning lies that held me captive was the idea that because I had aborted my child I must agree, endorse, promote abortion. Yes I chose that. But my choice had very, very real consequences beyond what I could see in the moment.

After meeting Christ, I could not, would not, be an advocate of such a horrid thing. In every way possible, Jesus washed me clean. I am longer bound by that sin. And yet there are consequences. So grace for the person and consequences for the action. This is not judgement. This is reality. I may forgive you for shooting me in the foot, but my foot still has to heal and I may have a limp for the rest of my life. In His goodness, God will even grace me in my limp, but there are ongoing implications.

May I challenge us to separate the person from the movement?

Think of the woman who represented Roe vs Wade.  The powers behind that movement used her story, her wounding to advance an agenda. She is a person, who made a choice, who was used for cultural influence.

When people of that time protested, the argument centered around mean people judging a person. But that’s not true. There was an outcry of the social implications.

Think of Martin Luther King. Many denigrated his personal choices of infidelity. His choices had consequences. But as a movement, no one questions that he was after a collective social change.

All this to say, be wise in what you are standing for and arguing about. There is a social movement in progress.

Yes. Jesus saves. Jesus loves. Jesus forgives.

We are called to love as he loves. But while we are quoting verses about “not casting the first stone,” remember that Jesus told the adulterous woman to “go and sin no more.”

Just because Jesus paid for sin, doesn’t mean He endorses it. He calls us all to holiness, or,  “His way-ness.”

Sure many people do not believe in God or His standard. They think they get to decide what is male, female, marriage, God’s sovereignty. I get it. Everything permissible, but not beneficial. Remember?


Scripture speaks often about “doing what is right in our own eyes.” Every culture that has veered off to this path of Self reigning as final authority has not ended up so well. “There is way that seems right to  man and in the end it leads only to death.” I am not talking about wrath of God. I am talking about how we break our own souls by our self-centered choices.

Finally, I have been around long enough to learn a few things worth repeating.

1) Just because there is a “ism” or phobia or disorder slapped on it, it doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want. It doesn’t mean hands off. “Earth has no sorrow, that Heaven can’t heal.” Christians, are you praying? On earth, as it is in Heaven? Earth doesn’t tell the Maker how things roll. We hold the cure for every heartache.

2) Just because everyone else is jumping on the band wagon, doesn’t mean God is wrong, irrelevant, or mean.  A lot of harm is done by people who have more concern about fitting in than seeking Truth. Are you willing to stand alone if that means standing with God’s opinion? Are seeking His opinion more than Twitter or Facebook?

3) Just because you go public, doesn’t make it right. I have a lot of compassion for people who go into the public eye. Scrutiny is a maker or breaker of character. You and I both have seen people lose their way because of their fear of the public’s approval. Either gaining it, keeping it, or losing it.

I literally pray peace for Bruce/Caitlyn, now in the feeding frenzy, but also in the coming months and years from now when the implications become known.

I pray the peace of Christ on our culture that is so confused, self centered, and often deceived. We are making it harder than it has to be.

I pray for the endurance and stamina of the saints to stand firm so that their hearts will not grow cold. Now more than ever we must hold out the truth and hope of Christ. For everyone.

Come one, come all. Come to the table of the One who makes all things new. No plastic surgery required.


When a “Good Wife” Marries an Porn Addict

I’ve heard the story too many times, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Good women who put their hopes into one marriage, one man, one idea, only to find out, after marriage, they married a porn addict.

In a very candid way, a porn addict is any woman’s nightmare. Prince Charming is not. The one true love is not true.

Some of us hoped against hope that we had found  a man who loved us for who we are. Some of us saved our virginity for this one person who  promised to honor us and to “forsake all others.”   Yet we found out that he valued his own needs and desires  above  all. I know it sounds callous.  But it’s true.  While all addictions are brutal,  pornography especially assaults a woman’s soul.  It’s a very strategic tool in the hands of the enemy to destroy the man and the woman. And marriage.

So now what? broken_heart_by_fastreflex-1We find ourselves in a marriage that is far from the romantic notions we held as young girls.  Instead of the cherished  ideas about being good wives in happy homes, we find ourselves in isolated and abusive relationships. We have become  helpless women in religious and social traps, where the “good wife”  is never supposed to leave her addict husband.

Let me try to clarify two things. Brace yourself.

1). There’s no such thing as a “Good Wife.”

2).  A man addicted to pornography has already forsaken his wedding vows. Continue reading