Five Days to a Better Marriage. No, really!


I am going way out on a limb to give a shout out for my sisters.  I have seen way too many women cry and heard way too many stories about good men who look like idiots, for me to stay silent anymore. I am asking you all to Man Up for your woman.  I’m talking about about the Big Five.

Not a football conference (although you could likely name most).
Not your favorite food or workout regimen.
Not even the episodes of your favorite show….
I am talking about the Big Five For Your Wife.

  • Her Birthday
  • Your Wedding Anniversary
  • Valentine’s Day
  • Christmas
  • Mother’s Day (if applicable, of course)

These are days that you get to remind her of why she wants to spend another year picking up your socks and listening to you snore.  These are the days that are similar to holding a newborn baby. The baby is so cute that mom forgets the pangs of labor. You want these five days to be filled with so much affection that your wife will forget the pangs of living with you all the other 360 days of the year.

Really?  Only five out of 365 days? I’d say this is a pretty great deal. Very, shall we say, low maintenance…

Yet some men seem surprised, even caught off guard, that they roll around Every Year. With all our modern devices and widgets and apps to make us smarter, it really makes women dislike their men all the more when their husbands “forget” the days that she has been looking forward to for weeks. Yes, for weeks. For women who are up to their eyebrows in changing diapers, or shuffling work, home or kids, these days pop up like little mini-mental vacations.  She looks forward to these special days with girlish delight that her man is going to spoil her, to treat her, to love on her. Finally, it’s her turn, after pouring out on everybody else all year.

I am not talking about spoiled rotten women.  I am talking about women who need reminders of why you fell in love with her in the first place, reminders that you still love her today. Reminders that she is the number one person in your life amid all the pressures of work, kids, and money.

To be serious, these are the days that you promised to remember when you said “I Do.”  It falls under that love and honor part. When you show up like a loser on these days, she feels like she’s a loser too.

Brothers, I know there are objections. I have heard them first hand.

What the men say:
I don’t have any (enough) money.
She’s never satisfied.
I don’t know how to do that.
What difference does one day make?
She knows I love her, why should I jump through hoops?

But have you heard what the women say?
Its not the money, it’s the effort.
If he would just try to make me feel special, I’d be happy.
I give him lists, ideas, even links, but he won’t do anything.
When he refuses to remember me, I feel like he is saying I’m not worth anything to him.
I feel unloved.

The most scary responses are from women who say, “I don’t need that kind of stuff. Anymore.”

Usually these women have given up.  Their husbands have let them down so many times that these women quit hoping just to protect themselves from the disappointment.  They love to call it maturity.  But the dark side of this reality is many times these women have shut down a part of their hearts too.  And men, this is never a good thing for you.

The male and female worlds may indeed be strange and gloriously different. We may seem like foreign creatures to you. Yet there is an inherent design and desire for oneness in our friendship and sexuality.  For the couples who call on Jesus, this desire for oneness is even greater because it embraces the  spiritual connection as well as the physical and emotional ones.

For far too many couples, the design is there but the oneness is not.

I see woman after woman who says her husband refuses to acknowledge her year after year. Don’t be that guy. Men are amazing problem solvers. Men can, and do, accomplish incredible things.  We know you have the ability. We just need to see you have the heart. For us. In action.

Brothers.  It’s only five days. Stop making excuses. Mark your calendars.  Remind your woman why she is lucky to be with you.  Trust me. You will be glad you did.

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