Hitting a Nerve

It is so much fun to let go of a ball in a pinball machine.  It starts setting off lights and bells everywhere. Such was yesterday’s blog.

Sistahs just like me (members of the round belly club) gave me a resounding Amen.  DING DING DING
Others gently instructed me on how or why to process with understanding. FLASH FLASH

I so love journeying with us in all different places. Nice to know that I am not alone in my frustration; nice to know that others have moved beyond, or never experienced it. But I find I am laughing at us all. In love of course. Not sure there is a right answer on this one.

He is the answer. For me, for you, in the middle of the moment. And you know what? The moments are often ugly and that is okay.  You may not ever get asked that because that might not ever set you off. But I did, and it did.

You see, my Holy Dad set me up.  He knew that reaction was in there, and I did not. Think of it as my own personal “show and tell.”  He showed me what He was seeing so He could tell me how much He loves me and wants to be my everything.  John Dee tells me often, “He wanted me to see what He always knew was there.” Truth in the innermost parts.

And then Jesus came right after the wounding and started reminding me of all of His sweet murmurings in my ear and heart.

As if that was not enough, the Spirit guided me into real revelation…. about “that girl.” Do you have this? The memory, the hurt from middle school, high school, college, the same “that girl” who has showed up all through life. You know the one – she always made you feel like crap. If you let her.

I just took a comprehensive exam yesterday. And you know historically, I don’t test too good.  But I am a quick, quick learner. I love the way He simply won’t let me live in lies. That my friends, round or flat, is freedom.

How about you?  When you blow up, where do you go?

Can You Hear Him Singing?

“Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you.”

I just had this most fantastic conversation with my friend about “sitting in the presence of the Lord and talking to Him.”  She is going through a really hard time with medical issues but the Lord is showing her those physical symptoms are also related to her heart issues.  And she said this beautiful thing: “I was working on all these things but I still wasn’t seeing what was in my heart. There was a lie in my heart that He wanted me to see.”

God doesn’t just want to make us feel better, or give us relief for a moment. He wants us to be healed. Free. Healed and walking in newness of life. But we cannot walk in newness of life and still hold on to the same old lies. In her life, and in my own (perhaps in yours?) I can see the circumstances circling and tightening like a python.  Yet instead of squeezing life out, this holy paralysis is forcing stillness.  God will immobilize us if necessary just so we can look Him in the eyes and see that He “will fight thousands for my love.”

Will we sit in the presence of the Lord and journal? Ask Him questions, hard questions.  Will we let Him ask us questions? Hard questions.  And will we let our hearts see the lies He is exposing?  God wants us to “know the truth” so that we will be free indeed.

Today, perhaps, stop fighting the python. Stop struggling to escape the circumstances. Instead, sit. Write. Listen. Ask. Believe. See the lies that keep you in torment. Renounce them, let them go, call on the Lord.

And if you listen long enough, you will hear heaven singing over you.

For My Love (listen)

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

by Bethany Dillon