I seem to have a hard time loving. Even after all this time, some conflict or some person slams up against a brick wall inside my heart. On this wall is a big neon sign that flashes “THAT’S IT! I’m done with you.”
To add insult to injury after the said collision, I then somehow conveniently build a case about why I am justified in my unlovingness. I will even tiptoe into very dangerous territory about whether someone else is “worthy” of love.
Even after all this time, more than 30 years of being loved unconditionally and extravagantly by Jesus. I am still learning how to love.
I got in a tussle the other night and I was so mad. I was spouting off prayers left and right about how I had been offended and betrayed and how much I wanted God to defend me…
Holy Spirit’s answer stung like alcohol on an open wound.
“My blood is enough for you both.”
This is why I am so desperately aware of my need to celebrate the Resurrection every year. I need the blood of Jesus to wash me clean. I need the cross to remind me that it was Love that held Him there. He loved me more than my sin. More than your sin. The blood, the water, and the piercing of His side were not to fulfill some morbid code of punishment.
Instead, the cross demonstrates just how much love is enough to save the world.
To save my world and yours.
To save me.
Likewise, I need the empty tomb to strengthen my weak love muscles. His love in me is stronger than mine alone will ever be. And just as the song declares, “If You walked out of the grave, I’m walking too.”
I was crucified with Him, therefore, I am raised to a whole new life with Him. More is always possible with Him.
When Jesus said for us to love our enemies, (which at any moment might be our spouse, our family, our boss, or our neighbor) He wasn’t being cruel. He was telling us that He opened a door to a whole new level of Love that casts out fear. Love that cancels sin. Love that raises the dead. Love that takes down the brick walls inside our hearts.
So I will keep learning and practicing. I will keep going to His love tank instead of my own. He promised He will have His way in me and one day I will love as He does.
Until then, I will fall on His grace as He demolishes every brick wall that still exists in my heart.
Thank you, Jesus.