Fountain Springs Community Church presents an Unhindered Encounter

Join Us for a two day event.

A candid conversation about how we’ve formed our definition of beauty, what it is costing us emotionally, how it effects our choices in relationships, how porn poisons our perceptions and how God has more than pat answers to offer to all of this.

Its a powerful weekend to be washed by Truth.

March 18th, 7:00pm – 9:30pm

March 19th, 8:30am -1:00pm

Ticket includes a goodie bag, snacks and two days of teaching.
($20 in advance and $30 at the door.)

To learn more about the Unhindered Encounter click here.

Follow the Sun

I have this way of doing life. It has its similarities and routines. I go through motions without even thinking sometimes. I can do my God life like that too. Do you know what I mean? Reading, listening, even praying in a kind of auto pilot sort of way? I can do life without absorbing the beauty around me.

This morning the Lord ever so sweetly turned my attention to Him. I was driving in my old familiar route doing errands and I kept noticing the sunrise. It was amazing with its pinks and purples. When I got back in my car to head home, the same way I always go, I kept getting this urge to look at the sky. As I was driving, I had this moment to choose to go home the same old way, or to go a different way and enjoy the sunrise. In a split second I chose the new way. When I pulled onto the interstate, the sun came up as a vibrant orange red ball on the horizon.

It was breathtakingly beautiful. Like out of body, awestruck, don’t know how to process this much beauty, kind of beautiful.

As I was soaking in the wonder, I heard, “Always follow the beauty of the Son.”

My prayer for you today is that God will show you the new choices you can make. And I pray that you will have the faith, courage, and desire to take new paths that will enable you to see the beauty of the Son. Amen.

What’s Your “Fatitude”?

You know racism. You know bigotry. You know prejudice, hate crimes, and crimes against humanity. But do you consider the silent judgments based on weight? 

I call it “fat-itude.” We get this attitude about people, without ever exchanging one word, and decide their worth and value based on their outer shell. We assess them, we assess us, here is the outcome: You lose or they lose. But somebody always loses.

We have all done it, felt it, hurt or been hurt by it. One of my friends lately related how friends are unkind to her because she is too skinny. My other friend told me about the criticism, cruelty and harshness of relatives all through her childhood because of her size.  They even went so far as to say she would ‘never get a good job if she was fat.’

Really? I mean, really? Her waistline dictates her I.Q.?

Here is a real cultural twist. When I was in Zimbabwe, their “scales” are completely opposite. If you are too thin, it means you are starving. Literally. Not thin like what we call thin in the U.S. because they call that kind of thin “refugee camps.” They don’t call that desirable or beautiful.  They pity people who are that size. Hear that Hollywood? Over there, if you are plump or padded, then you and your family are successful; they have enough money to feed you well.

I have been working with women intensely since 2007. I worked with teens 15 years before that.  The number one issue is value based on size and beauty. We all nod our heads, and yawn, and say, “Yeah, we’ve heard that.” However, I am taking it one step further.

I am seeing the shocking rise of contempt and disgust of overweight people.  We are actually discounting and disregarding people based on the size of their jeans.  Is being excessively overweight  one of the biggest killers of our day? Yes, it is. Is being overweight simply a matter of lack of self control? Not necessarily. You know the work that is required for physical health and that is if all the systems are working well. Throw in an illness, injury, pregnancy, depression, addiction, and you have all manner of chaos that shows up in the body. And when we look at a person, we have no idea what is actually happening inside that person’s life. We assume to know the heart of a person based on the size of a person. And I tell you I know many, many women, who look good, but their hearts are sick, sick, sick.

Here’s my bottom line. God says to guard your heart. He said all the issues of life flow out of what you think in your heart. Ask the Lord to show you where you are NOT guarding your heart. Restoring these unguarded places  may help to increase your overall health, which is the goal. Not size. Health. But also, ask the Lord to reveal your “fatitude.” Confess it. Call it what it is, sin. Whether it is about yourself or others, when you judge others according to size, you do not value what God values.  Regardless of size, God loves us and calls us to do the same. Our judgements of others only isolate us.

Ask God to heal your heart, and your will find true health, inside and out.

 

20 My son, pay attention to what I say;
       listen closely to my words.
 21 Do not let them out of your sight,
       keep them within your heart;
 22 for they are life to those who find them
       and health to a man’s whole body.
 23 Above all else, guard your heart,
       for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:20-23

So Here’s The Rub

So here is the rub. If God made us and thinks we are beautiful, why are we not to make our lives about being beautiful?

 As with everything in the journey with Jesus, it is about our heart motive. We have one of two choices. To worship the created or the Creator. We can be led astray by the enticements around us which lead us to hypersexuality, idolatry, and despair.

Or we can follow the path of Jesus.

He said,  “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30-31)

Never forget that God looks at the heart. When there is an understanding of who we are, because of whose we are, the game is over. I take care of myself because it is a way of worship, a way of saying thank you to my maker. It doesn’t increase my worth. It just polishes the shine of a diamond. Of course you are beautiful. Of course I am beautiful. And, no I don’t need your eyes all over my body to confirm that. I don’t need your knowing smile of appreciation to make me tingle.

I knew the walls were falling one day when I pulled up to a gas station and saw the pack of males. In the past, I would have either made eye contact and smiled to draw their attention (Trophy Woman) or I would have ducked my head in shame knowing they would not notice me (Invisible Woman).

But that day, I got out of my car looked to the sky and smiled. “He delights in me,” I said out loud. I nearly skipped into the store to pay for gas. I was overwhelmed by love of the One True Beholder.

And the guys… I have no idea what they did. I totally didn’t care.

Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 41

Let’s Get Real Here:

What do you think and feel when you read that God is your One True Beholder?

The False Woman

Let me give you an couple of illustrations of the False Woman.

There was a photo I got by email. It The photo captures one lone woman, pale and plain, holding a sign that said, “Women are not decorations.” She is glaring at the short-short clad women in Hooters® tank tops standing right beside her. They are bronzed, dyed and pushed up. They look at her with mocking smiles, and pity.

The only caption was “Think she is jealous?

I looked a long, long time at that photo.

My first reaction was, no actually I am not jealous. I am sick. I am sick for both groups of women who have totally missed the point of being a woman. God’s woman.

The False Woman has two faces, or two ends of the spectrum. Most of us live somewhere on the spectrum. One face, or end of the spectrum, is like the Hooters® girl. I call this obsessive desire for beauty the Trophy Woman. The other face, or spectrum end I call the Invisible Woman.

The Hooters® girl has determined that it is only what’s on the outside that counts. She has to look “just so” to be considered a “Worthy Woman.” Her success is measured by her bust size, her waist size and how many heads she turns. So much so, she is paid to turn heads. Not only does she live for that look, she is prostituting her beauty, and gets paid to let guys look down her shirt.

Let’s revisit the email photo. The homely protesting woman has determined that it is only what’s on the inside that counts. She has bought hook, line and sinker that it is only about “Inner Beauty.” She’s decided all that fluff and primp effort is vanity. Somewhere she has believed that she can’t win at the beauty game, so she has quit the game altogether. Can you see her complete lack of effort is just an extreme opposite of the Trophy Woman’s obsessive effort? I have found when you dig a little with the Invisible Woman, just like in the Trophy Woman, there is almost always a gaping wound.

The Invisible Woman wears a mantle of heartache. Her face, her countenance, her posture, screams out unloved, unattractive, uninvolved, unaware of God’s original design of a woman. To somehow separate herself from the Trophy Woman lie, she goes to the opposite extreme.

When I talk about beauty God- style, it is not about denying it, but about embracing it.

 In this photo you can see the pain in the protestor’s eyes. Somebody somewhere told this woman that she was not lovely. And she believed that lie. When you see a woman who is un-tended to, I don’t mean no make-up, I mean un-invested in, un-cared for, you know who I am talking about, she is living out of a definition other than her maker’s.

Whether Trophy or Invisible, both women represent the same problem from the opposite ends of the spectrum called the False Woman. If we don’t live in God’s definition then we settle for the Hollywood cultural definitions of womanhood, we let ourselves be put in assigned boxes:

Got it,

Might get it,

Used to have it,

Never had it.

We have been put in these boxes, like it or not. So when we look around the room and see all the other boxes, we have to do something to make our assigned box seem like home. So we rationalize our health, our body structure, our genes, eating patterns, our drama and trauma stories, whatever it takes, to justify the box we have been assigned to. But guess what? All of these boxes are lies.

All of them. Lies.

Exerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 41

Let’s Get Real Here:

Where do you fall on the False Woman spectrum? Can you name the lies and wounds that hold you there? What do you think of beauty God-style?

Where Is Your Name Stuck?

Proverbs talks about “the way of a man with a maiden.”  I love how Tim Keller of Redeemer Church teaches on this and on biblical sexuality. He paints a beautiful picture of a pursuing lover, romancing and wooing his woman, providing a safe and loving place for them to truly be naked and unashamed. Known and knowing. A place where a woman freely and willingly offers herself and receives this ardent lover. Wow…what a vision of love. What a great idea from God.

But — this is not always the reality or goal of many men, or women. My husband and I have young daughters, so we are often showing them real life ways to evaluate character and to recognize selfish motives. In themselves and in others. We want them to have a healthy respect for themselves so they will know how to test a guy’s heart. (You know by the time they are in high school they are gonna be sick of us…)

Anyway, Chuck was driving the girls to school and they came upon a truck.  It had one of those painted beach scenes and stuck on the beach scene were two of the classic silver silhouettes of a woman. You know the ones, the truckers’ equivalent to the Playboy bunny. I hate  what both represent. What it reduces a woman to, what it reduces a man to.

So Chuck proceeds to tell the girls, “If you ever meet a guy that wants to date you and he has this on his truck, your answer is ‘No.’ This guy has a wrong view of women. He is just a consumer of beauty, and doesn’t value you for who you are.” (Preach it, brother!)

Of course, Charis quips, “Well what if you are dating him and you didn’t know he drove a truck like that?”  To which Dad says, “Dump him.”

And then, Chuck proceeds to tell one of his favorite stories about one of his sisters. She was going on the first date with a guy. On the side of his truck were decals. It read:  Jeff and …. The other name had been removed and you could see the sticky residue. 

In all seriousness, Jeff looked at Chuck’s sister, smiled and nodded toward the blank spot on his door. “You know, your name could be here,” he said.

WHAT???  If it wasn’t so funny, it would be tragic…And here is our problem.  We as women tolerate that. Why?  Because we settle. We hope to have our names of the side of a guy’s truck, when in reality our names have been engraved on the Palm of God’s hand.

Our desire for beauty, our need for affirmation, our hope for romance and fulfillment is best met in our Bridegroom God. He is our definition and satisfaction. And then with our hearts full of living water, and real love, we are able to enter into relationship with a man. Sisters, let’s not talk about “them.”  Let’s talk about us. Let’s start with the right Man, before we cast our pearls before swine.

As Heather Says, “Simmah Dahn Nah.”

Translation: Simmer down now.

Not sure this isn’t beating a dead horse, but I want to circle back around on the blogs from last week. There was a lot of concern/instruction about my upset on the pregnant question. Thank you. And tons of concern about the offending woman. Thank you.

But I want to clarify that wasn’t about her. If I didn’t make that clear, let me repeat. It was about me and the Lord. As my friend Lyschel said, “she just happened to be the person who delivered the blow to the piece of the dam that loosed some stuff for you.” Amen. And the irritation of the moment was worth the revelation from God later.

However, glossing over the irritation, or denying it, or padding it, might not have resulted in the same revelation. Why were we so concerned about even broaching the topic? Is the idea of offending so off limits? Is it un-Christian? Is our every conversation to be without emotional upset?

Do you think Jesus offended people?

I am quite sure He did. In fact I think God purposely blows us up emotionally to get to our heart. Just like He did me last week. It is okay to be offended. It is okay to be angry. It is okay to express all of that. The better question is what do we DO in the that moment.

It is also okay for us to learn grace, to learn how to speak the truth in difficult moments. What if we were not talking about social faux pas, but life and death issues: porn, abortion, eating disorders? What then? I think there will be all kinds of sparks flying in those conversations.

In my first blog on this topic, I said, “Grace is not the same as silence.” I chose silence that day, because I lacked grace. And in my human observation, we don’t get to grace without practice. We learn it, one difficult encounter at a time. He doesn’t waste anything. I am so glad.

I don’t think God’s goal is for us to”be nice.”  I think His goal is that we”speak the truth in love.”  And then gives us a lifetime to practice.

Hitting a Nerve

It is so much fun to let go of a ball in a pinball machine.  It starts setting off lights and bells everywhere. Such was yesterday’s blog.

Sistahs just like me (members of the round belly club) gave me a resounding Amen.  DING DING DING
Others gently instructed me on how or why to process with understanding. FLASH FLASH

I so love journeying with us in all different places. Nice to know that I am not alone in my frustration; nice to know that others have moved beyond, or never experienced it. But I find I am laughing at us all. In love of course. Not sure there is a right answer on this one.

He is the answer. For me, for you, in the middle of the moment. And you know what? The moments are often ugly and that is okay.  You may not ever get asked that because that might not ever set you off. But I did, and it did.

You see, my Holy Dad set me up.  He knew that reaction was in there, and I did not. Think of it as my own personal “show and tell.”  He showed me what He was seeing so He could tell me how much He loves me and wants to be my everything.  John Dee tells me often, “He wanted me to see what He always knew was there.” Truth in the innermost parts.

And then Jesus came right after the wounding and started reminding me of all of His sweet murmurings in my ear and heart.

As if that was not enough, the Spirit guided me into real revelation…. about “that girl.” Do you have this? The memory, the hurt from middle school, high school, college, the same “that girl” who has showed up all through life. You know the one – she always made you feel like crap. If you let her.

I just took a comprehensive exam yesterday. And you know historically, I don’t test too good.  But I am a quick, quick learner. I love the way He simply won’t let me live in lies. That my friends, round or flat, is freedom.

How about you?  When you blow up, where do you go?

We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Program… To Vent!

You know you need grace when you get into those situations where you become frighteningly silent for fear of vomiting venom all over yourself, the offending person and the people standing within 10 feet of you.

That happened to me this morning.  I didn’t even look at her for fear that fire-breathing dragons would burst from my eyes and burn her up on the spot.

But after I walked away from the moment, the Lord showed me these scenarios are also good indicators of other things besides grace:

A) God is teaching me self-control.
B) God is setting me up to flush places in my heart that need healing.
C) He is using ME to heal, repair, and convict someone else.

Another possible solution is that He is doing D) all of the above. Not funny, fun or entertaining. At all.

For the sake of social instruction… if you don’t KNOW a person well enough to already KNOW the facts, don’t ask if she is pregnant. Unless she has on a “baby on board” T-shirt, or like message, don’t go there. Not ever. Ever. Just because someone has a pudge, don’t ask, “How far along are you?” Believe it or not, there are about 100 body shapes between anorexic and pregnant. Why do we go from model thin to “with child”? Look around; there are lots and lots of body styles in between these two points on the spectrum.  The last time I had a flat belly, I was 8.  It is socially ridiculous to assume someone is with child because they have a roll.  Can I be more clear? If you haven’t heard through the grapevine, if you don’t see a baby falling out of her uterus,  if you don’t see some book for new mommies nearby, don’t ask.

For the sake of spiritual conviction…why did that bother me so badly that I couldn’t even respond? And what is the appropriate response?

It bothered me so badly because it was like a contest had occurred and I lost. She was thin and attractive and her question was like a judgment that I was not.  I let her definition shake up my heart.  And appropriate? Proverbs says “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”  How about a response like, “What an odd question. Why would you feel the freedom to ask that?”

Instead of being honest, I withdrew. Instead of standing in my beauty as God sees it, I hung my head in shame. That really hurt, but instead of being straightforward, I froze in the name of some Christian, Southern, love your neighbor BS.

Why do we shy away from letting people know how we feel? Are only good feelings, happy, holy feelings allowed?  I don’t think so.

Today has been a good, good day by being such a bad one. But here are my God take-aways:

Truth:  I belong to my Lover and His desire is for me (round belly and all).  Don’t give in to social stupidity when it comes to weight, beauty and fashion.
Truth: If you don’t know, don’t ask. Ever.
Truth: Speak the truth, even when it hurts. Maybe it will stop the insensitive person from continuing to ask foolish questions of others.
Truth: Grace is not the same thing as silence.

Blessings on all you round-bellied women!  And you flat-bellied ones, too!

Faced with God

Monday, I got to redeem a really great birthday gift.  It was 45 minutes in a Detox Sauna and a deep cleansing facial.

Now hold on, because if you know me at all, you know that either one of these events is a real stretch. To get me to sit still anywhere for 45 minutes is a wonder, let alone sit still and sweat. But then to go immediately to lay down and have someone else rub goop on my face verges on the miraculous.

But I confess…it was wonderful.

(For those of you who are jealous, you can schedule your own mini-retreat at Seasons of Farragut Wellness Clinic. 675-9355)

And it was wonderful for the craziest of reasons. I had time to sit in the presence of the Lord. I had time to invest in myself. And I had time to take stock of how my heart is doing with the skin I am in.

Just how is the beauty journey going for me? And you?

I don’t know about you, but if I am paying attention to what I eat, and working out, and taking time to dress, then I like myself pretty well.  But if I have been out of Jazzercise for a couple of months, enjoying the holiday treats a little too much, and not “dolling up” unless absolutely necessary, then I catch myself saying pretty toxic things to me, about me.   (Do you hear that performance train rumbling down the tracks?)  But after spending nearly an hour with God, that detox sauna did more than rid my body of harmful toxins; that time flushed my heart as well.

So when I go to do the facial, the woman asked, “What are areas you don’t like about your face?”  I was silent as I was stunned a little. Then I almost laughed out loud because what I heard in my head was God saying, “I like your face, it looks like Me.”

I simply responded, “You know, I am good with my face. I really am.”  And I really was.

Gee, that detox idea is pretty potent. You should try it. With or without the sweat.