One of the biggest lessons Chuck and I learned through our journey is to work on the right issue. I spent so much time trying to control Chuck and protect myself that I missed the deeper wound. Chuck spent so much time trying to look good and protect his quick fix, he missed the greater need.
Porn, like any form of coping, is not the issue. It is a symptom, but it’s not the cause. I often say it is the flower but it is not the root. We spend a lot of time treating symptoms: porn, food, anger, drugs, alcohol, shopping, social media, gaming, etc.
Yet all of these (and there are more) are attempts to manage a deeper pain and wounding. There is no sobriety or breakthrough without healing the root issue. Pain has to be processed. It can’t be ignored, or buried, it just comes back up until it is dug up.
I would never claim to be a certified counselor for marriage, addiction or otherwise. My story of God and His counsel and presence is my only certification. I can’t heal your marriage, husband or heart. But I know the One who can.
Thank you for your kind comments to my recent blog. God is worthy to be praised. It was my Ebenezer, to declare that He met us in devastation 10 years ago and worked a miracle. I want to always remember His wonder-working power yesterday, today and forever.
And. I know that wasn’t the story for many of you. Some of you are still in miserable marriages with addicts. Some of you bear the scars of divorce.
I. Get. It.
I would like to offer a hard won perspective: All this living is an invitation to experience God’s presence in the middle of it.
Human frailty right next to Divine Hope.
My whole marriage journey taught me this. The lies and betrayal and brokenness, over time, became less about me and Chuck and more about me and Jesus. He was with me. He was changing me. He was fighting for me. And guess what? He was doing the same for Chuck.
One deeply profound truth that John Dee taught me was, “Ask for truth to be revealed.” Sounds almost too simple. I would stand in my house and worship and ask God to reveal all things hidden, for truth to be revealed in my heart and Chuck’s. God loves to answer that prayer but brace yourself for the fallout. He loves to break off every chain only to reveal every beautiful thing He has put inside of us.
I am now “fully persuaded” that God is good and He is good to me and for me. I know life and its excruciating pain is changed by His presence. I don’t blame Him for heartache, I go to Him with my heartache. Do you?
I don’t love and trust Him because of my outcome, I love and trust Him because of His presence and comfort in the middle of it. The Passion Translation has the beautiful expression, God’s wrap-around-presence. He is With Us.
If the child goes astray, the loved one dies, the betrayal continues, the bankruptcy is final, we look for Him until we find Him.
God has an answer for everything we live through. Heck, He is the answer. Amen.