Pearls of Wisdom: On Sex, Beauty, and Worth

I think I shied away from continuing to talk about sex and beauty. In my mind, my kids had heard it all before. We have been talking about sex and beauty since they were toddlers. Now as teens, their pushback was working. The rolled eyes, the “I know, Mom!” comments, the sighing and huffing was enough to deter one more lecture.  But then, I saw the brokenness and confusion around sex and beauty and I knew it needed to be talked about. Again.

I was reminded of a weighty word the other day that’s worth repeating. It’s more than ‘save sex.’ It’s the WHY of sex. 

God is always in the details. It’s important to know that the very first “shedding of blood” was not for the clothing after the Fall. It was the blood covenant of marriage between the man and the woman. 

In the garden, the man and woman were naked and unashamed. God covered the woman’s vagina with a thin membrane called the hymen.  And when this “veil” was torn, the small amount of blood signified the covenant she entered with God and Adam as the “two became one flesh.”  It was a holy contract. And their heirs, the children they produced through their love, became a reminder of God’s faithfulness, because they too have  passed through the veil of the blood covenant.


The symbolism is breath-taking. Do we teach this kind of beauty to our children? Because if we did, the worth of our sexuality just might go far beyond our current standard.

(This is an extremely short version. See Kris Valloton, Moral Revolution)

In light of such honor, the demonic abuse and distortion plainly seen. Turn on any channel.

We are more than objects and animals.

I want to remind us of the Why of God’s heart:  to protect something sacred and honored. We set a high standard of purity because we agree that God’s way is best. “The marriage bed is to be honored by all.” Hebrews 13:4  

So we count virginity for women and men as a great treasure because they have fought and defended what God prizes. We count marital faithfulness as a great treasure because we don’t allow the enemy to invade our Holy Ground. We don’t apologize for setting a standard that reflects the heart of God.

And. With grace, we understand that not all fight this battle to the end. We take courage and comfort in our sexual failures, because the blood of Jesus washes us from all stains. All. Stains.

Yet we do not deviate from the standard. God’s way is best. Every. Time.

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Why Happy Marriages Matter

People ask us why we do marriage retreats. They can be tense, awkward, revealing, and sometimes even scary.  But those aren’t the moments we focus on. We live for the  “ah-ha” moments when couples look at each other with fresh eyes, with God’s eyes, and remember why they want to try again. And again.

We do marriage retreats because people poured into us. We wouldn’t still be married, and happily married, (not perfect at it, but happy in the doing) if it weren’t for the older couples who kept holding out hope for us.

Marriage is one of God’s great character refiners. Therefore we need a bag of real tools and a huge dose of perspective to keep digging it out year after year. We need the hope of heaven to learn how to love.

Chuck and I believe that if you are going to stay together, you might as well be happy together. Thriving instead of surviving. We know folks who stay together “for the kids.” But  they might be missing the mark. The kids just  learn what it means to grow up in an isolated, unloving environment. So if you are going to stay married, then shoot for the moon.  Learn how to live in peace, enjoyment, and intimate friendship.

The “I Do. Still” Marriage Retreat is designed for newlyweds and oldyweds. It is for couples who need a break from the mad pace of life, who need a deep breath of the Spirit’s power, and who need some laughter and wisdom.

We are walking evidence that God can build, and rebuild, a marriage that is worth staying in. Join us.

Register here.