The other side of the False Woman is the notion of being the ugly one.
I call this non-sexualizing yourself. If you can hold up a sign that says, women are not for decoration, you have taken yourself out of the game. Okay forget the sign. But you see women like this everyday. They go to school or work. Some marry. Have children. Go to church. They are great people. It’s just that something is missing. If they only had half a face, it would make sense of how you feel in their presence. That deformity would explain why you feel there is another whole dimension to them as women that is missing. There is a part of them that they have tried to, or have been forced to, shut off. Their internal logic is: if I don’t look like a woman, I won’t have to feel like a woman, then you can’t reject me as a woman.
We all say we don’t care about all that beauty stuff, at one time or another. I think we try to convince ourselves that we don’t care. But the truth is we do care, only we feel we can never win the beauty game. So we quit, and try to become invisible.
The Invisible Woman has a way of disregarding herself. Or maybe the word is dismissing. She believes she doesn’t count. She feels overlooked or ignored. Even absent.
We all go through seasons of feeling a little beat up with the ugly stick … but this is different. This is a way of life. The Invisible Woman has come to believe she has no womanly attributes of value. She believes this so deeply that she tries to accentuate or make up for her “lacking.”
My friend “Sally” is a perfect example. She told us her story once and said without blinking an eye, “I knew I wasn’t pretty but I was smart. So I learned that if I could make people laugh, they would like me anyway.”
I wanted to hold her and tell her what God thinks:
You are altogether beautiful, my darling,
And there is no blemish in you.
You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride
You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes.
Song of Solomon 4: 7, 9
I am not sure she would dare to believe it. Do you?
Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 42
Let’s Get RealHere:
What do you believe about your womanly attributes, your value? What do you think of the Song of Solomon passage? Do you believe it’s for you?